life with regret

it has been long time i never come up to update blog
it has been a while that i came into Singapore
it has been a while that i try my best to adapt and cope with life here

everything is fine here
i could earn double and even almost triple money compare to Msia
one thing that i felt sorry about is
i lose my passion in nursing
everything isn't easy and perfect
the not perfect thingy is i couldn't get my favourite department which is ICU
i couldn't continue to practice what i've learned
i have to learn new thing in ward management
at first i thought it was a new challenge for me
but seriously telling
i hate sitting down there to write report
i don't even know what's happening to my patient
i rather there is a code blue or intubation case
make my shift busy like hell
but i feel challenging and exciting
i can feel my adrenaline gush out during emergency
i can feel my happiness and satisfaction during my work in ICU
but now i felt nothing
everyday busy like hell!!
ya overwhelmed with paperwork

i really pray that i could transfer out to ICU soon after my probation

来自星星的你

最近看了这部韩国电视剧
那时还想为什么大家都说好看
而且还中了星星毒
看了
才明白
我想这部韩剧
是继蓝色生死恋和天国的阶梯
第三部让我哭了好多集的一部剧了
不知道几时开始
看戏，不再轻易感动
但《来自星星的你》却能铨着我的心
真的很好看
男女主角都诠释得很好
感人的是他们之间的爱情
不管彼此都什么不同
不管年龄，星球，性格，时代
为了对方改变了自己
当然，剧中也有一些喜剧的部分
让我觉得男女主角相处的时候可以那么的可爱
当然
电视剧毕竟是电视剧
我没傻到相信身边也会出现个外星人
可以那样的毫无保留去爱我
但我还是希望有一天我的那个MR。RIGHT的出现
可以让我毫无保留地去爱他

New phone

May 1st
For my birthday month
I bought myself a new phone
Samsung galaxy note3 neo
After so long
I have decided to change
Haha
I tought i could use the old one still i go sg and till iphone6 launch
But sad to say
Couldnt..
I was so happy i got nee cellphone
But everyday what i worried is
I cannot let my bro knows i bought a nee phone
So everyday i must hide it

challenges

i found there are lots of challenges for me
since i graduate for my nursing school
i really feel stress and depress at times
but i feel like what i can do is just to wait
but i don't like waiting
for me it is a time wasting act
seriously don't like to wait
just like recently
there's another challenges for me
i though i can go Sg by May
but it seems things doesn't go what i was thinking
really helpless and speechless
couldn't express what is my difficulty now
searching for God's guidance
many of them tell me that to chill and relax
but there are no peace in my heart
i dunno this is my mind problem or what
mentally, financially not allow me to jobless
not even a month
thus i felt uneasy
i knew there are lots of family and friends are supporting me physically and emotionally
i really appreciate it
when things doesn't go as what i expecting
i think the only one i can believe is God

Kuala Lumpur Few Days Trip

throwback

after my last day in Fatimah

i had decided to go KL around with my mom

for fews purpose

:my aunty 40th wedding anniversary

:my mom so long time never go kl gathering with her sisters

:i wanna meet up my nurses friend and church friends there before i left to SG

:CHCKL have Easter Day Production ( WHITE AS SNOW )

so on 16th after my last night

i drove there with my mom

so amaze to be a driver on north-south highway

i enjoyed it very much

been in kl i just want to relax

so no hurry no rush

accompany my mom  for the first 3days in selayang

my cousin have brought us to eat bear paw

nice snacks even my mom also give a LIKE

on Friday night we went my aunty anniversary 

having steamboat at my cousin shop

on Saturday

i drove to subang find my friends

i went to the prodcution

a touch drama talking about resurrection of Jesus and God's healing 

it has make my day meaningful

after that

i went have dinner with crystal and brandon in JOJO PAN MEE

long time never eat this

missed it so much

randomly

i able sing k outing with my nurses friends from 12mn to 3mn

what a day

thanks for accompany me during my visit there

even some of them were just off from work

on Sunday

i able to have a little catch up my my X-cellgroup leader and cell memebers

Ian, Chia Huey

Xin Hui, Brandon and Sebrina

you guys and girls still my spiritual family ever

really appreciate ur mentally support and encouragement for my

On Monday

i drove back to selayang and subsequently we back to ipoh again and say goodbye to kl

I realized i have lots of friends

but hardly found one is really understands and knows me well

i appreciate everyone of you walking through my life

leaving a footprint in my heart

sorry to say some of you i couldnt remember your name and your face

but thank you if you still remember me as your friend

In a week time

i'm gonna go to SG to start my new life there

not a new career but it's a new environment and challenges

i will face a different one

i hope it is a turning point for me

i wouldn't want to be a person who never stepping out of my comfort zone

keep growing and growing

so this is life

if talking about nursing

if u ask me will you be a nurse for lifetime?

i will ask NO

but i think i need something or somebody give me some mind and thoughts

I dunno why
recently i thought of u
made me feel sad
i thought i was walking out of the shadow
but it seems i didn't
i felt the sadness, the disappointment,the heartbroken
i felt that lost hope
i wonder how are you recently
i think u are doing good
without me
i thought i am too
without u
but partially it is
how could i delete all those memories?
how could i imagine u never been it my life
how could i say that u never play an important role in my life
all these have already become a past tense
we will never getting back together, never ever

27th - pay day

wow
for so long i have waited
finally wait until end of this month
i was so excited for today
because it is PAY DAY
because of this salary
i no need to loan money from others
i have enough money to go singapore

another things i so happy to this end of this month
because i'm going to tender my resignation letter tomorrow
woohoo
i have waited so long for tomorrow
and i gonna leave soon

but one thing which i feel bad about end of this month is
31st i got one presentation
so long never do presentation
and i haven't get myself ready for this assignment and presentation
haiz

anyway
i'm gonna plan better for this salary
no waste anymore

争吵

又来了

差不多天天都需要面对这样的情况

我真的很累了

对于那个废材

我根本不当一回事

因为我已经看透他了

他说的什么对于我来说已经不重要

你说得对

不要因为这样的人生气伤身体

但我觉得这句话给你自己听最好

但为什么每当牵扯到你和他之间的问题

我就会大发脾气？

因为这些事情这些情况从我出去读书到现在

都是发生同样的东西

我真的听累了

也劝累了

那么多年了

你说得也只是纸上谈兵

你说我能不烦吗？

说得出就得做得到

要不然说的都是废话

不是吗？

对于他说的东西

我根本就不在意

所以他再说什么无稽的废话

我都无动于衷

因为我根本不在乎他

而你

为什么我会生气会发脾气

因为我在乎的只有你

我不想你受苦难过

但你却每每挖的坑自己跳进去

受伤了

就跑来和我哭诉

有什么意思？

我已经叫你走了

别理这个人了

你有那一次是会听我劝的？

面对了那么久

还看不清吗？

我早就看透了

When u nearly die

recently was so tired
just finished my night shift
and thanks God i got my 2 days off
and I'm still surviving now

feel so bad and feel sorry to my patient
that was my first night shift
was taking care one critically ill lady
when i see her was suffering there and yet the doctor was doing blunt to her
stupid treatment
never been seen a doctor's treatment got such poor treatment before
seriously wanna beat that stupid doctor
i'll always remember his name
will never forget his name!!
if that patient can survive, then ok
if touchwood didn't, your sin will be there

talking back
after that first night shift
i was driving back home early in the morning
and i nearly met a bad accident
bloody hell
shocked and still can feel the fear now
i fall asleep while driving
just a road outside my taman
when in a second when i woke up
my eyes saw a big lorry coming in front of me
and i quickly turn my steering
and i escape from going to see God Father
really thanks for God's protection
Amen
all glories goes to His Name

Life is like that
you will never know when is your last second living in this earth
don't take thing for granted
cherish every moment in your life
appreciate people surrounding you no matter bad or good
hold a thankful heart for every things that happen into your life
by the time you left this world
you have no regrets

Matta Fair

I have a target which is travel at least one country in a year
I know this is hard but i will work it out too
nothing is impossible

randomly saw kim shared a web regarding matta fair
so curious about that
really wanna go travel with friends and family
application of leave is my first problem
i heading off to Singapore soon in next april
start to work there about may
6 months probations are not allow to apply leave
until after 6 months only i can start to take leave
plans all postponed
money wise is another problem
i'm sure that i can save money in Singapore
but i have a lot of liabilities too
every month i'm gonna send money back to malaysia for my car my insu my ptptn loan and my tv
gosh!!
stress man..
some more before i off to Singapore i need money too
borrow from people one i have to pay back
one word to describe : sigh

planning to go china with friend but seems the fees is not cheap
planning to go korean or cruise with mummy next year, this i must work it out
alot of country i want to travel
anyway
i give myself 6 months to clear off all these problems
i know i can do it!!

GahYao Erica!!

A day full of tiredness but relax after

Today I was morning shift
and I feel suck and tired with my patient keep on BO watery stool
and I have to change her whole bedsheet overall again
Ng feeding 3 hourly
ICP monitoring
another patient is on ventilator support
blood investigation
fluids challenge
inotropes support
blood transfusion
whole shift, I only have time to carried out doctors treatment but no time for my nursing report
somemore others patients come in critically ill
ECG changes AF VT
doing cardiac revertion
prepare for intubation
bla bla bla...
no time for break no time for sips of water and no time to PEE
with the bladder full running up and down
THIS CALLED NURSES LIFE
but luckily I finished all my work on time and pass so call perfectly to next shift

After all the tiredness
I went to a body massage as scheduled before with my friend
hoo...
time for relaxing
really worth for RM38
all the tiredness gone
charge myself for tomorrow double shift

Having a great time with buddy
sharing with each other
listen to each other
and i realize how important a friendship play a role in my life
i will never get alone
but i must learn how to get independent
sometimes
friends are not with u all the time
sometimes
I still need a time for myself alone
but still trying into it
adapting myself to walk alone watch alone eat alone and drink alone

after whole day tiredness
and i'm sorry to say that i only bath early in the morning until i came back home
and i really cannot tahan the oily body oily face oily hair
bath and having my facial mask before my bedtime
i'm young but yet i'm still getting older
the face is to cari makan one
haha
22years old, if i don't keep it now? when else i can keep?

Good night
ILJ

回不了的过去

现实的社会

已经慢慢的将人的当初思想侵蚀

我

永远都回不了那年的我

年龄的增长

心态的改变

发现自己已经改变不少

我还是那时的我吗？

已经不是了

再也不是

明白人，是会改变的

但那年你的心还保留着吗？

谁懂？或许你自己也不清楚了

我，也不懂了